Near Wild Heaven
by rocca12
Summary: Michael, Nikita and a secret which comes to light in the most unfavorable moment.
1. Prologue: Secrets

**So... I'm still warming up ;) **

**This is an idea for a one shot, or maybe a multi-chapter story if you want...**

_Here is some explanation about an Epilogue for "Ashes of Dreams you let die..."I have multiple versions of this chapters and until I won't be happy with one of them I won't post it. I want this last chapter to be really good. ;P So I'm still looking for best option. _

**_I own nothing._**

_**Little introduction:** It's placed after 3x07, the only diffrence is: Michael and Nikita never got engaged. _

**_Enjoy!_**

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**PROLOGUE: SECRETS.**

* * *

_"Is this the right time? Is there any?"_

* * *

Nikita had finished reading the 23rd page of the report when she realized she had no idea what it is about.

God, she had hard time focusing on anything lately. Too many worries, too little sleep.

She sighed and rubbed her forehead.

_Focus._ Ryan wants that report on the afternoon which leaves less than 4 hours to complete it.

If that wouldn't be enough, her stomach didn't cooperate today as well. It felt queasy and heavy. Up and down, up and down like a wooden pony on a carousel.

Nikita closed her eyes and started to breathe deeply to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling.

She_ has to_ do it. The more she lingers, the worse it gets.

_No. She is not ready yet._

_Will she ever be?_

Nikita was so absent minded that she didn't realized someone had entered the Ops. She heard him only because he raised his voice.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Nikita straightened up in a chair confused. She blinked few times trying to understand what's going on.

Michael looked angry and irritated. Not such a rare view lately.

She wondered what was the cause of his edginess this time.

"Ryan told me, you are giving up the field work. Why?"

_Right, that one. _

"I need a break." She said calmly and opened a file again. Nauseas were getting stronger and she didn't have time nor the will to fight.

"No you don't." Michael snapped. "You are doing this because in your opinion I feel bad about not being able to go back there and you think that if you sit here with me it will somehow make me feel better."

_You couldn't be more wrong. Nikita thought. _

She_ avoided_ him. Even that their break up was shared decision, it wasn't easy to pretend she doesn't have feelings for Michael anymore.

Not by coincidence she asked Ryan to work in early mornings. Michael's shift usually started in the afternoon when she was going home or she was so preoccupied with work that they were passing by each other. It's been almost a month since they ended things. And it hadn't get any easier.

After the accident everything started to fall apart. They were fighting more, talking less. Michael was moving away, Nikita was forcing him to let her in. They just couldn't make it work again Not because Michael's hand. The reason was their attitude which turned out to be too diffrent to work.

So the best solution was to stop hurting each other. It was hard for both of them but that was the best thing to do.

At least before everything…complicated. Nikita sighed.

"Well, maybe this will surprise you but not everything is about _you_ Michael. "

_Is it the right time? Is there any? _

Nikita was never afraid. She always had a courage to tell things, do things, no one else would do. And yet here she was. Frightened to tell the truth.

"My decision has nothing to do with you. And it's immutable. So as much as you hate this idea, you will have to stomach my presence here for couple of months cause I'm not going back to the field un-"

She went quiet when voices from the corridor reached them. She stood up and grabbed her things from the desk. It's not that she wanted to run away, this place was just becoming too crowded to work here.

_"How did you came up with this?"_

_"I'm telling you…"_ woman hushed her voice so they couldn't difference the words.

_"Come on, this is impossible!" _they heard Birkoff's laugh.

Happy Nerd and Sonya entered the Ops.

"Hey guys!"- Birkoff was smiling widely blind to Michael's and Nikita's tensed faces.

"What's so funny Nerd?" Nikita smiled to him vaguely. She needed a change of a subject, something that will get her mind of…

"Sonya has the most ridiculous idea in the world,.."

"Seymour, no!" - Sonya tried to hush him up.

"...she thinks you are pregnant. Crazy, right?" He laughed.

_So much for the change of subject._

"Really?" Nikita felt stomach in her throat. She wanted to give them a pretended smile and make a joke about how absurd the idea was, but instead she dropped the file holder and went paler than she already was.

That was answer clear enough. She could almost feel all the penetrating glances.

_Crap. _

Everything just went to hell.

"Oh my God…. You _are_ pregnant!" Birkoff gasped.

Until Nikita managed to collect strewn papers, Sonya was already hugging her and congratulating.

_...Happy... Congratulations...You will... _

All Nikita heard was a blurry noise and buzzing in her ears.

She stood there stiffened, trying to catch Michael's gaze but he was standing behind her.

"Man, you are-" Birkoff moved to Michael with open arms but he stopped midway as he saw his face twisted in shock and disbelief. Eyes wide open, fixed on Nikita.

He had just found out.

"Sonya..." Birkoff cleared his throat. "I think we should leave them alone." He grabbed her hand and and dragged out of a room.

Now Nikita could turn around.

Slowly, trying not to forget to breathe she looked at Michael.

She saw a flicker of sadness when their eyes met.

They were standing for a moment in silence. Michael's angry and shocked face, Nikita's pale and frightened.

Neither was ready to say something.

Carrousel speeded up.

* * *

**So? Should I keep going?**


	2. Part I: Concerns

** Thank you for all those lovely reviews:)**

* * *

**PART I: CONCERNS.**

* * *

"Thousand thoughts in her mind but one more clear than others.

_She loves him."_

* * *

It clicked.

Small, seemingly meaningless pieces had found theirs place in a puzzle.

Her weird behavior… Sudden change of habits…

How she was constantly distracted and tired…

Sudden urge to give up the training and catch up with the paperwork.

How she swapped her beloved tight-fitting dresses for still elegant but looser sweaters.

Suddenly she became silent and withdrawn.

How could he be that blind?

He cursed himself for failing to notice a pattern where there obviously was one. Not very spy-like of him.

But beside all these small differences she was still slender and slim Nikita. She wasn't showing yet.

"I wanted to tell you." Nikita couldn't take the silence anymore. Air was thick with tension.

"When?" Michael asked harshly.

_How could she keep it from him?_ And more importantly :_Why_ would she keep it from him?

"When exactly did you want to tell me? After baby was born?"

No answer.

_Today, s_he wanted to say, but it would sound like a lie.

_Soon?_ It would just make him angrier.

Truth is, she didn't know when or how to do it.

Truth is, she didn't know if the was a mother material at all. She remained silent, staring at papers scattered all over floor , fighting a huge wave of nausea.

"How far along are you?"

"13 weeks." She swallowed to get rid of the taste of bile in mouth. She was feeling dizzy and tired. Not perfect moment for that conversation.

"Michael I think…" she tried to say that but Michael wasn't listening.

"Over 3 months?! Since when have you known?"

"Listen I don't want to fight…."

"...You had no right keeping it from me!..." Sadness and disappointment in his eyes made her feel even worse.

"I'm not feeling well today, can we drop it?" Each word was difficult. Her stomach was rebelling against this discussion.

"….Please tell me you hadn't been going on these missions knowing you are pregnant..."

"Michael please… not now."

"…Have you even bothered to think what would happen if…"

That was it.

Her stomach had enough. She couldn't stop nausea anymore. Nikita run out of the room not even letting Michael finish the sentence.

She stormed into the luckily empty bathroom and locked the door of the cabin. She was tired of watching the toilet from such a short distance but clearly their rendezvous were far from over. She was sitting there, weak and sweaty letting the nausea defeat her once again.

She heard automatic door of the bathroom close.

_Shit. _

"Nikita?" It was Michael. "Open the door."

Great. Not only was he rightfully mad at her, but also he was about to witness the most embarrassing moment of her life. If it wouldn't be enough, she feared this confusion will gather in all those nosey Division people. Last thing she needed right now was audience.

"Nikita please…"

"Why? Do you want to see what I had for breakfast? Leave me alone!" She gasped between the waves of nausea.

Silence.

_Good. He left._

_Or he is still there. Just doesn't talk._

That worked for her too.

Nikita rested her head against the wall. God had sent those amazingly cold tiles.

When she had felt little less smashed, she flushed the toilet and unlocked the door.

One glance on the bathroom proved her right. He _was _still there. Leaning his back against the towel container.

At least he didn't look so angry anymore. Now it was more like compassion and worry.

Nikita with great effort tried to walk straight when she was getting to one of the bathroom sinks. She had opened the faucet and flushed her mouth thoroughly in order to get rid of the awful taste of bile in her mouth. Splattering cold water over her face brought a substitute of relief.

She was breathing heavily, exhausted from everything that happened this morning. Still avoiding Michael's penetrating gaze, she rested her hands on the sink. Water was dripping from her wet face. Bathroom still spinning.

She heard sharp sound and with corner of her eye she saw Michael handing over a towel.

She accepted it with a simple nod as thank you.

"How do you feel?"

"Fantastic." Nikita gasped sarcastically, drying her face with towel. That was a stupid question considering the circumstances.

"I'm sorry that I shouted at you. I shouldn't have done that."

No answer.

"Come on, I will drive you home."

"I have reports to finish. Ryan wants it for today."

"Forget the damn reports. You are barely standing on your feet. "

Nikita looked in the mirror and moaned. Woman she had seen in there looked truly pathetic, with messy hair, pale face and dark circles of smudgy mascara under her eyes.

She immediately went on defence washing off the remains of make-up and re-doing her hair.

Glance in the mirror.

It will do.

She straightened up and turned to Michael.

"I have nothing to throw up anymore so I will be fine." She tried to make her voice sound confident and strong: "I'm staying."

Michael shook his head. She will never admit her weaknesses.

"Fine." As he already knew, making Nikita do something she doesn't want to do was next to impossible. "But you will go to my office and lay down for a while."

To tired to argue, Nikita nodded in consent.

* * *

"I made you some tea." Michael placed a cup on the table next to her.

Nikita changed the position to sitting one and grabbed it. "Thank you." Smell of the tea didn't repulse her. That was a good sign. She took a little sip.

Pleasant warmness filled her stomach. "I'm sorry you found out this way."

"I'm glad I found out at all." He gave her half smile. Nikita felt relieved. When Michael jokes about something, it means he almost forgave her.

"So… does morning sickness bother you much?" He sat next to her.

"Well, It's not technically _morning_ sickness if you've got them all the time but.. yeah, they are giving me a hard time."

"Have you seen a doctor?" Michael asked concerned.

"Yes, but he didn't help much. He told me it is normal, my organism is adjusting... Usual stuff…"

"Do you know if it will be a boy or a girl?" His eyes lit up. Shock seemed to yield to excitement.

"No… it's too soon to tell. I will know next week though."

Her phone started buzzing. She took it out of the pocket and glanced at the display.

"God... Ryan can be real pain in the ass. "

"You know how he loves his papers. I bet he stays after hours to sort them in alphabetic order."

"He is an analyst after all..." Nikita smiled and lifted her head. She twitched.

She could have sworn a moment ago Michael was on the other side of this couch. Now their faces were just inches away.

Close.

Dangerously close.

She felt his breath on her face. She hadn't seen those flickers in his green, hypnotizing eyes for a while now.

Thousand thoughts in her mind but one more clear than others.

_She loves him._

_Still._

_Madly._

She could sense the vibe of excitement between them.

"Nikita I..."

Knocking on the door.

They jumped away from each other like two teenagers caught on smooching in parent's bedroom.

"Yes?" Michael was already near his desk grabbing first file holder he encountered.

When door had opened Michael was looking perfectly bored. Nikita had to bit her lower lip to restrain from laughing.

"Michael, did you... oh...Nikita, I was looking for you." Ryan's attention focused on her. " You don't answer your phone."

"Really? I must've turned the sound off...What's up?"

"I was just wondering how are you doing with those reports..."

"Yeah, I'm on it. I just wanted to consult few things with Michael. It will be on your desk soon."

Thanks. That's... great. Sorry to interrupt."

"No problem." Nikita answered politely.

After Ryan had closed the door behind him, they were alone again.

"I should tell him before Birkoff will start spreading the news for me." Nikita stated.

"Don't worry about that. I bet he have already send everyone a memo."

"Oh, if he did, he can forget about being a godfather."Nikita smiled.

When their eyes met again she knew.

Whatever could happen between them few moments ago was negligible.

That moment was gone. She could sense the distance again.

" I should go. Ryan waits..."

Michael nodded in understanding.

On her way to the door stopped only once.

"Nikita?"

"Yes?"

"No more secrets."

* * *

**please review!**


	3. Part II: Declarations

_**Definitely late update, sorry for that ;)**_

_**For those who wished it would get more angsty…. Well I wanted to try something more fluffy at least once ;P**_

* * *

_"We have unfinished business."_

Part II: Declarations.

As it quickly turned out, Birkoff was completely and utterly unable to keep a secret. Division was buzzing with latest news only few hours after it reached his ears. People who don't have their own life are very eager to live the lives of others.

Abashed yet proud. Michael was stiffly accepting all friendly comments and congratulations from other agents.

Some of them left their desks to congratulate him in person, few restrained to curious glances above the computer screen.

"Really happy for you two…All best….. Your kid will be an awesome shooter, man….."

The comments of acclaim quickly mixed in one blurry mass. Michael was smiling and nodding automatically, not really sure what he is doing because his attention was already somewhere else.

With a corner of his eye he had spotted Alex and Nikita up in the Ops. Alex was laughing, Nikita clearly abashed was biting her lower lip.

Michael was observing and waiting for her hand to go on the nape of her neck. His lips pulled up in a smile when it did. That unaware habit of hers was something that was touching him the most. She did that every time she felt embarrassed and amused at the same time.

He excused Roy, who was talking to him and moved a few steps to the left to have the better view. He was free to continue watching the scene, girls haven't noticed him yet. His eyes slid down from Nikita's face to her figure which was still very slim.

Not the first time, Michael felt an urge to pinch himself, to make sure this is not a dream.

The day he had found out about the baby, was the first day from a long time, he felt alive.

Suddenly his disability was no longer that important. It was trivial actually. Because there was so much more on this world. So much more was still about to come.

Hope and a future. He finally had those two back.

He was always a family kind on a man. A long time ago his dream was simple: a wife and kids. Pictures on the fireplace. Every holiday spent in Florida in his parent's old cottage. That dream was so close to come true, Michael actually believed in it. And that was his biggest mistake.

What happened to that dream taught him a lesson: Focus on the presence, don't think about the future. Yet now t_here was _a possible future for them.

He was aware that he tended to move away in any crisis situations, more eager to shut the pain inside him than share it with anyone. He moved away too much from Nikita when she needed him the most.

Love and longing. This month apart was difficult for him as well. He still couldn't take his eyes off her. Alex placed her hand on Nikita's shoulder and the latter smiled. But it wasn't the true, honest, heart touching smile of hers. It was a concerned smile. She moved her head a bit to the left and her gaze drifted to him slowly. Surprise flickered across her face s their eyes met.

Michael nodded slightly at her and directed his steps up to the Ops.

* * *

"I'm assuming Michael knows."

Alex approached Nikita in the Ops. Not only all division was abuzz with the latest news. The most visible change was in Nikita's behavior. She stopped crumping like an old lady, wearing a sack instead of an sweater. Her intense efforts to hide her pregnancy made it only more visible. To Alex, at least. But that was probably because she knew about it all along.

Now she was looking at her friend with a fond smile seeing her relaxed and truly glowing.

"Yes. " Nikita felt lighter today. Just like a huge weight was taken down from her chest.

"When did you tell him?"

"Technically… I didn't. Birkoff did. "

„Wait, what?!" Alex's eyes widened in surprise. She had imagined many ways how this could go, but never this.

She kept her fingers crossed for them. It's been 17 days since Nikita found out about pregnancy and Alex was the only one who knew. Being burdened with that kind of secret wasn't easy. So when she heard news had spread, she felt relieved.

"And Michel? Did he digest it better than you?"

"What do you mean, _better than me?"_ Nikita's head snapped up to Alex.

"Please…. You should've seen your face when Rick from Medical told you you're pregnant. I was there and I remember _exactly_ that when he said:

"_Your results came up fine. Only Chorionic gonadotropin's level is higher than usual."_

"_What does it mean?" Nikita fidgeted in a chair. She couldn't hide the glimpse of fear that her recent ailments were not as irrelevant as she thought._

"_Means _you are pregnant."

_Alex gasped with shock and her eyes were shifting from Rick's serious face to Nikita's shocked one. She had put her hand on Nikita's shoulder as a sign of support._

_"No… I am definitely…. not. You should repeat that test." Nikita's voice was shaky._

_"I already did. Twice." Rick knew he needs to show as much patience as possible. "I know it must be a shock for you but …"_

_"No…there must be some kind of mistake." Nikita almost jumped out of the chair. Alex was grasping her arm stronger, forcing her to lay back down. Last thing she needed right now was seeing her faint one more time._

_"I could take blood from your other arm if it will satisfy you but It won't…"_

"_Please do." Nikita nervously whispered. _

_He looked at her with concern. Remembering that this is particularly delicate situation and one of the most difficult patients he ever treated he sighed and put his gloves back on. _

"And after five minutes it turned out the blood in your other hand was also pregnant since…."

"Ok, Alex, thank you for that flashback but my memory is perfectly fine." Sheepish look on her face make Alex even more amused. Nikita rubbed the back of her neck feeling abashed.

I've said that before and I will say that again." Alex smiled. "I think this baby is the best thing that could happen to you guys. It's exactly what Michael needs right now . To take his mind off this damn hand problem and focus all his positive energy on you and a baby."

"I hope you are right." Nikita said and she looked aside crossing arms over her chest. Her gaze was wandering pointlessly across the Ops until she stopped on particular person watching them from downstairs. She sighed as Michael directed his steps towards them.

_"I am_ right." Alex whispered noticing him as well. When Michael had entered the Ops she nodded at him with "I will leave you two alone."and disappeared in the corridor.

"How are you today?" Nikita heard a whisper and dashing scent of a cologne.

"Fine. Better since you know actually. It was stressful to keep it all a secret."

Michael smiled at her warmly. Nikita could tell there is something more he wants to say. She was right.

Smile died on his lips as he looked aside knitting his brows in pensiveness. Nikita waited with anxiety for the words to come.

"Listen…"

"I don't expect any declarations from you Michael." She interrupted him knowing exactly what he is about to say. " I promised you something and I intend to keep that promise. I won't push you anymore. I will wait."

Ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Thank you. But that's not why I'm here. There is one problem I need your help with."

She nodded in agreement not sure what is going on. Michael placed hand on her back guiding her protectively out of the room.

* * *

"What is it?" She asked once they reached his office. She turned around and froze in surprise seeing he is locking the door behind. She tried to read something from his face but his features were schooled, lips pressed together.

It's just….." his eyes were serious as he took a few steps closer to her. When he was just inches away all the seriousness fell apart. His lips pulled up in a devious smile, eyes flickered with happiness.

"We have unfinished business." He placed his hands on the small of her back.

"What? What about… you said... " Nikita couldn't be more confused right now.

"Let's just stop kidding ourselves. This whole break-up thing was a stupid idea."

He leaned forward to place a kiss on her lips. It was delicate and tender, assurance with a promise of something more.

She rested her hands on his chest staring deep into his eyes, suddenly seing the future she really wanted.

Michael pulled her in for a deep kiss, as she pressed her body tighter against his.

"This is a bad idea." Nikita breathed into his mouth.

"I know."

"We will be in trouble." Nikita gasped as her body was propelled backwards, her back hitting the desk and his hands at her waist, lifting her up.

"We already are."

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_**Please leave a review! :)**_


	4. Part III: Promises

_Veery short one, but hey! Still an update ;)_

_Honestly I have no idea if this is the last chapter or if there will be more... I don't have any special concept to carry on with it right now. Maybe someday I will make it a little bit longer, but as for now, this is the last chapter! :D_

_Enjoy!_

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**Part III: Promises.**

* * *

"Here is your tea"

Nikita twitched on the chair, tearing her eyes of papers in her hand. Her sight flickered to Michael standing in front of her with a mug and a plate in his hand. Concerned eyes, furrowed brows as he was staring at her, looking for any sign of overwork or fatigue. Any pretext to convince her to leave it and go home rest.

"Thank you." She said disorientated.

"And breakfast." Plate full of sandwiches followed the mug.

"I already ate"

"Brunch then. You have to eat regularly."

With a short glance at the sandwiches with lettuce and tomatoes Nikita sighed giving him a surrendering nod. He was becoming almost as stubborn as she was. Getting real pain in the ass.

She turned back to her paperwork, pretending to read, still feeling his sight on her neck. A little card was sticking out from the papers, Nikita quickly hid it back there.

"So…." Michael started pacing around the room. He was definitely onto something. " I've run into Ryan on my way here and he suggested, there is not much going on today and you can go home if you want to."

Nikita's head snapped at him, her brows raised, lips pulled up in incredulous smile.

_Suggested her ass._

"You didn't run into Ryan, and he didn't suggest anything. You went to his office intentionally and asked for a free afternoon for me, because somehow you think I'm uncapable of doing my job." She paused for a moment enjoying his baffled face and slightly opened mouth. "And I know all that because he gave me a call the moment you left. "

Michael huffed. So much for Men's solidarity.

"Ok." he sighed. "Maybe I did go there. But honestly speaking we will do just fine without you here. Your priority now should be taking care of yourself. And the baby."

"Are you saying I'm expendable?" Nikita raised from her chair, with arms crossed over her chest and narrowed eyes she watched him carefully.

Michael was fully aware that his next few words will decide whether he will or won't sleep on the couch today. "Aagh...of course not." he stuttered.

"Then why are you blushing like a little girl?"

"Guys!" Birkhoff's head appeared in the doorframe. Michael sighed with relief. Rescued by Nerd. " You are needed in the Ops. We have a breakthrough."

"See?" Nikta turned around and threw a file holder at Michael. " Needed. Both of us."

* * *

"Ok, people, Bree Banner. She's been dodging our radars for too long. It's time we take her down." Ryan was pacing around the room, remote in his hand, eyes drifting from one face to another.

"What do we've got?" Michael asked entering the room, throwing Ryan morderous look. Nikita bit her lip not to laugh and took a place at the table.

Ignoring Michael's glance, Ryan raised a remote, pressing a button and king size screen behind him turned on. Everyone's eyes drifted to the screen facing the picture of stern looking woman, with thick black hair and tanned skin.

"Born in Venezuela in 1984 and also sent there as Percy's mole in the government. At first she was a secretary of prime minister, but quickly made her way up to the parliament…"

Ryan was filling them in, everyone focused, determined to pin down one of the last rogue Division. Michael was holding the files with briefings that he got from Nikita. Tapping his fingers on them, his mind focused on the screen. Trying to figure out the best strategy to take her down.

"Michael and Nikita will coordinate the drop from here, Alex, Owen- I need you on the scene."

Michael nodded and opened the folder. Looking through the files, sometimes glancing at the screen. Listening to the instructions, he was flipping the pages carelessly, not giving a page more than a glance. Then, his hand froze above the file, he let out a loud gasp. His eyes wide as he stared at the papers in front of him.

"Everything ok, Michael? "Ryan asked concerned. Everyone's eyes drifted to him.

"Aaagh…." he stuttered looking around baffled, surprised by the attention he drew. "Absolutely. I... I just remembered I knew her. She was a recruit during my time here. Old memories." He gave them a fake smile and leaned back in his chair.

"Right." Ryan nodded. "Birkhoff, I need you to scan the satellites, we need plans of the mansion, the security detail, everything you can pull out will be useful."

"Got it."

Everybody's minds were back on the briefing. Everyone's but Nikita's who was watching Michael carefully, not tearing her eyes off him.

She watched his wrinkled forehead, his speeded breath and a shadow of a smile forming on his lips. He raised his eyes to meet hers and nodded. He discretely took something from the file holder and hid in his pocket.

Michael didn't remember a thing from that briefing. Words were a blurred mass, maps and pictures on the screen irrelevant mix of colours and lines. Luckily no one asked him anything. He wouldn't have heard it anyway. Nothing existed for him right now. Not faces, not rogue agents, not Division.

All that mattered was a blurry and hazed ultra sound picture with single note on it: "It's a girl."

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_Please, review! ;)_


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